Esther Anastasia Tarbox

hey Nana. I got married to Joey on November 14th of 2009 and had a baby girl 3 weeks later on December 3rd, her name is Allie Anastasia. she's got your middle name. she's gorgeous. you'd be proud. I wish you were here to meet her. she would of loved you. we bought a house in April here in League City, Texas by Kemah. Allie turned 6 months this month. she's growing so fast. I had Rayven and Sierra this weekend we had a blast. they miss you. they told me things were easier when you were around so I've been missing you tremendously since then, not that I don't think about you every single day. I feel like I'm still not over it even though it's been a couple of years now. I love you and I miss you very much. sweet dreams.

I haven't posted on here in forever, but you know I haven't forgot about you. not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I'm pregnant, I find out what I'm having on the 20th, I would trade world to have you here to meet my son or daughter. they would of loved you so much. I made a cake on your birthday the other day, it was yummy. it was Lily's 20th birthday too, we both miss you so much. =( I love you Nana. see you later.

so I moved back to mom's. I just got another job...AND...I finally went and saw you and Nana the other day. I was on my way to Beaumont from Lumberton, and without even realizing it I turned off on Lucas and just kept driving until I got there. I didn't stay long, 5 minutes there almost killed me. I took the girls to Kids Fest yesterday, they had a BLAST. I haven't been to your house in a while either, that got super hard on me too. =( sometimes I'll just stare at pictures on Mom's walls of you and just think about all the AWESOME times we've shared. I love it. but I miss you so much Nana. I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU NANA..a 101 bushels and 10 million pecks! I miss you so much! I get the girls this weekend, I can't wait. I haven't had them in forever, 'cause I've been too unstable and down, but, this weekend, I'm declaring it girls weekend! we'll probably paint nails and take pictures like we always do! wish you were here to see them! I'm cuttin' this short before the tears start rolling, but, I love you, and I miss you terribly. I think I've gained the *insert appropriate word here* to go and see you, so I'll do that this weekend. I'll bring you pink roses, and I'll sit and visit with you and Nana Smarsch for a bit, then go see my Brett across the yard. haven't visited him since your funeral either. =( I LOVE YOU NANA!

so, today I was driving to your house. they're remodeling it. and of course, you know me, I had my music blaring..just driving along Tram Rd. about to hit Northwest Forest, and out of NO WHERE I turned the stereo off and started singing our song... I love you a bushel and peck A bushel and peck and a hug around the neck A hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap A barrel and a heap and I'm talking in my sleep About you, about you Cause I love you a bushel and a peck You bet your pretty neck, I do Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle oo I love you a bushel and peck A bushel and peck though you make my heart a wreck Make my heart a wreck and you make my life a mess Make my life a mess, yes A mess of happiness About you, about you Cause I love you a bushel and a peck You bet your pretty neck, I do Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle oo I love you a bushel and peck A bushel and peck and it beats me all to heck Beats me all to heck and I'll never tend the farm Never tend the farm when I wanna keep my arm About you, about you Cause I love you a bushel and a peck You bet your pretty neck, I do Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle oo ** it made me feel pretty happy, 'cause I know if you were here, you would of been singing along with me swaying your hips side to side and moving my arms around and around, like you always did. I still think about you constantly. it DEFINITELY doesn't feel like it's already been 5 months since you've been gone. time has flown faster than light since then. everything I do I think about you. and, no, I still haven't been to see you. I need to, but just thinking about the long drive down Lucas St. makes me breathless. I know I couldn't go alone. I finally found the China dish set that you always told me when I was younger "this is goin' to be yours one day when I go to Heaven," someone put it up in a storage container in the back bedroom. so, now I have that, it makes me happy. =) Justin and I just had our 3 year anniversary on May 23rd. doesn't seem like we've made it 3 whole years. we're looking at buying a new house soon, since we're both going to be goin' to school in Beaumont, and our house now is in Lumberton. so, as of now, the China set is staying in it's container, but when or if we decide to move I'm going to display it nicely in my china cabinet, most likely along with pictures of you and the rest of the family. I already have a huge lump in my throat typing to you, but I'll write again soon Nana. I love you VERY much and miss you a HUGE amount. I'll see you soon. <3

I had such a bad day today, and gosh, did I want nothing more than to call you. I've been workin' so much. you'd be proud of me. and, no, it still hasn't hit me that you're really gone, and everytime I think about it, I always want to tell myself that you're not. I still haven't been to your grave yet, I'm sorry. it still feels too soon, even though it's been almost 4 months now. I don't know when I'll be ready. I still have all the flower arrangements from your funeral along the wall in my house, I can't find any reason to get rid of them, they're dried, and they give me some sort of comfort. they'll probably stay there for as long as I live here. anyways, I don't know if people read this or not, but, oh well if they do. this is the only place that feels right to post my feelings and to "talk" to you. I love you Nana, always and forever. <3

so, I still want to call you everytime something good happens. today I found Justin's biological father, he's never met him. they're goin' to have a phone conversation on Saturday. I'm super excited. so many good things have happened lately. it's probably because I have the BEST guardian angels ANYONE could ever hope for. Bill and Ellen are coming to your house Saturday to stay the night, and Ellen and I are cooking for Easter. I planned it all myself. you'd be soo proud of me. my first big holiday dinner without you. I hope we don't burn anything. I want to make everything like you made it. I know you'll be there, but I wish you were still REALLY here. I'm about to start enrolling Sierra into beauty pageants. I'm sure she'll do awesome in them. they're both gettin' so big! Rayven wants to play soccer this year, so I guess I'm goin' to try to get her into that too. every time I think about you I can't help but break down. it's been over 2 months now Nana. I still haven't gone to your grave, I don't think I'm ready for it. I know that you know I love you so much. I still feel guilty for not going though. it's so hard to get by everyday without you. I just have to tell myself to live my life to the fullest, and try to make the best of it without you here. I NEVER thought that I would have to do it without you, EVER. I know you warned me Nana, but I didn't think it would be this soon. I would change your diapers and hand feed you for the rest of my life if it meant you being here right now. I guess on a better note, we'll have plenty to talk about when I see you again someday. I have plenty of pictures of you, and the most amazing tattoo to remember you by, so you know I'll never forget you, even if I tried. I LOVE YOU NANA!

as I said in Nana S.'s guestbook, I guess I just use this as a place to post my sadness..Nana, I love you. it's sooo hard to get up every single day knowing that you're gone. you were everything to me. you'd be really proud of me. I'm doin' the best I can with everything. I've been gettin' the girls every weekend. they miss you too. they're doin' wonderful. I know I shouldn't be sad, I know you're in a better place. but every single little thing I do makes me think of you. I went to your house the other day, and saw a spec of something on the kitchen floor and I poked my finger on it, picked it up, and threw it away, just like you did. little things like that. I even saw bandaids and it made me sooo sad. I know you remember what I'm talking about..the time that you fell asleep babysittin' me when I was a toddler, and I covered you in multi-colored bandaids. you weren't even mad. I could go on forever Nana..like I said, you were my EVERYTHING. you understood me like no one else did, and loved me NO MATTER WHAT. I still haven't found out who wrote "this too shall pass" on your expo board in your hospital suite in Houston the day you died, but I'm very determined. I know you saw the tattoo I got for you when you were sick, so I don't know if you told someone that I had that and they wrote it or what, but I think about that alot too. I got a memorial for you tattooed underneath that right before your funeral, everyone loved it. I got a job the other day, and on my way home after my interview I (not even realizing) picked up the phone and dialed your number. I guess this hasn't hit me yet. I know you tried to let me know that you were leaving soon, but I guess I just didn't think it was for real, or simply just didn't want to accept it. I love you Nana. I'll see you again one day. thanks again for keeping my mom safe when she got in her wreck last month, cause I know you were the one that made her miss the culvert that would of made her flip, and the lake in front of her car.

My prayers and thoughts are with all of you. Your Mom was a very special friend and I will miss her very much. She was my "pew buddy" at St. Pius. I enjoyed visiting with her and exchanging stories of our families. She loved all of you very much. She gave me a lot of support after my Mom passed away last year, especially on mother's day. It is hard to let our loved ones go, but know she is no longer suffering. I loved her and will miss her.

Dear Jeff, Very sorry to hear about your precious MOM, I know your going to miss her very much. She was always so nice to me, may God bless you & your family in this time of loss. Sincerely, Patricia (Coleman) Bengston & Geneva Danna (Coleman)

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of such a sweet and loving lady. I hope you all find peace because I know that you will truly miss her. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you. Try to stay strong just as she would do.

Esther. You were my special buddy !!! I think of all the fun times we had together.!!!! i will always love you. When we meet again we can laugh some more ! Will always love you Your friend and buddy for ever !!!!!! Marge

this has been the hardest thing I have ever been handed. I love you soo much. but, on the bright side I'm extremely happy to have a new wonderful angel in my life, and happy that you aren't in pain anymore. it's gunna be hard, but I'll make it through. I love you so much, and I'll see you one day!

Our love and prayers are with all of you. Your Mom was a beautiful woman with truly beautiful heart. We were so fortunate to have had her in our lives. I'll never forget her wonderful laugh,pretty smile and the funny way she said "Ya" Love,Pati